my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i'm inner monologue high
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I currently don't understand fingers.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
