ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
