I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
