i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize