girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
