My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize