I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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