My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
