went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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