if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
