David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
