the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
