I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
