We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
