i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
