based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's paper in my vomit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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