Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize