yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
