as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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