I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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