Screwed.edu
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
