What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
