Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
