dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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