your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
