im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
