Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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