Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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