I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize