She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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