My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
