the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
