Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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