just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
