sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
