Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
