you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
