for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We had to coat check the pizza.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
