last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
