Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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