guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
