Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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