Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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