I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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