Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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