Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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