i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
