party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
