I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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