Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
