I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
