so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
