That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
