a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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