In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
