she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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