if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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