I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
