Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
