I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
