At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
