Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize