she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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