tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize