I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize