i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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