Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do herpes really smell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
