i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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