You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
