Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize